My husband quit alcohol

My husband is on day 12 of a 90-day alcohol-free commitment. Given that I work with people daily who are doing this you’d think I’d have been prepared.  But on zoom calls, I’m in control, and I can sign off after 90 minutes. Living in direct proximity, and observing the fallout every day, I found my anxiety levels soar. 

I was painfully reminded of why people find it so hard to stop drinking and stay stopped.  Who wants to feel irritable, agitated, angry, and bored? Who wants to feel like the weekend has lost its appeal, and that all the fun and escapism have been taken away? 

 The promise of immediate gratification and short-term relief overshadows ten-fold the wonderful but uncertain possibility that living alcohol-free presents.  

 Thankfully after 12 days, the storm passed.  But this experience inspired me to revisit some old memories and to recall (again) just how toxic and addictive alcohol is. 

 At over 3 years alcohol-free I don’t feel any sense of loss by not drinking, but I remember when I did. I too battled the biological, psychological, social, and spiritual factors that not only made it painful to stop but also amplified the sense that I was weak-willed. The internal battle in my head drove me crazy as I continued to do something I knew deep down was ruining my life. 

 At the time I didn’t consciously know or accept the truth. Alcohol is proven to be a highly addictive substance, just like nicotine, cocaine, and heroin, and when we are addicted our desire/need to drink overrides reason, not because we are weak, but because we are addicted. 

 Our level of dependency is in direct proportion to how much pain we feel when we stop. And given we drink to avoid pain it’s no wonder we keep turning to alcohol. 

 The stop-start merry-go-round of quitting alcohol is brutal, especially when we compare how we feel without it to how we felt with it at its best (the ‘fun’, escapism, and numbing effects it gives short-term). We stop, and we feel deprived.  We associate misery with quitting, so we go back, re-enforcing in our minds that life is better with it. After a few weeks, months, even years, the pain of drinking returns, but with more force this time. But if we found quitting hard in the past, we avoid it for as long as possible because there is no pleasure associated with not drinking. We have not yet made the pivotal connection. 

 Stress, anxiety, self-loathing, low confidence, exhaustion, weight gain, reactivity, apathy, etc. are all caused by the very thing we use to try and solve or avoid them.   The feelings my husband experienced in the first week were not because he wasn’t drinking, they are because he drank. They are the long-term effects of consuming a toxic, addictive substance in excess for over 20 years.  

 Once we see the connection and realise that alcohol creates and amplifies the pain we are trying to avoid it can be a lot easier to commit to change. 

 If you’re afraid of living without alcohol then be honest, you are on some level addicted. You don’t drink just to have fun or relieve stress, because there are a million ways you can do this without ingesting poison. 

This is good news because you can stop beating yourself up. You, like millions of others, are simply suffering from biological dependency which resolves in 7-10 days, psychological and social conditioning, and spiritual disconnect.  These are all curable and, once you gain clarity from the booze haze, the discovery that life is better without the bS that alcohol creates is incredibly empowering and rewarding. 

 Once you see alcohol for what it really is, a highly addictive, toxic substance that controls your body, mind, and spirit, you can start to understand why those that don’t drink seem to thrive. It’s not because they are better than you, it’s because they don’t drink poison. 

 Of course, all these factors mentioned can take time and commitment to resolve. But the most empowering thing you can do today if alcohol has you in its grips is to be honest with yourself. You’re not weak-willed or helpless, you are just dependent, and thousands of people have freed themselves who are just like you. 

 Allow yourself to imagine the joy and freedom you will begin to experience when you stop chasing your tail? Imagine the freedom of not having to think about when, what, where, and how much? What did I say or do? Who did I upset, and what did I lose?  Isn’t it time to stop the pain, once and for all? 

Some of my favourite books you can reference for help include; 

Annie Grace – This Naked Mind 

William Porter – Alcohol Explained 

Holly Whitaker – Quit like a woman 

Allen Carr – The easy way to control alcohol 

Russell Brand – Recovery 

You can also join a group that focuses on what you gain, not what you’re giving up. If you'd like to register interest in my group coaching programs please visit HERE

 Or you can hire me as a 1:1 coach. You can book an introductory chat here new client bookings 

 Here’s to an alcohol-freedom filled 2023,