Objections Overruled Report

Dear Friends,

When are you truly ready? 

When I was drinking, I knew, every morning and for the day or days that followed, that it wasn’t for me. But there came a point, over and over again, where even the loudest objections were overruled, and the wine won.

In 2002 I wrote in my journal, “Alcohol tatters the edges of my mind, all the bright colours and textures more frayed, and fading at the edges every time I drink”. I enjoyed dwelling in this creative darkness. It was familiar and safe. When I was drinking I could drown out that quieter, more doubtful voice that craved joyful creativity and full self-expression. I could wallow, and blame myself, and tell myself I’m just not ready.

I remember being afraid of so many things, what people would say or not say, the unspoken judgments, but moreover the possibility that if I stepped into my life, I might not be able to tolerate it. For many years it was easier to stay safe.  My drinking was comfortable and I knew I could cope. I now see how sad it was, to just cope with life.

In the end, I took myself so far down that I had no choice. I watched as I went into free fall in the months leading up to when my Dad died.  I broke all my rules, I drank every day, I was obsessed with when I could drink, and I gave up any semblance of control.  All the while knowing that this was the beginning of the end of my affair with alcohol.

I can say with certainty that it was the first time that I was 100% committed.  In past attempts it had been a nice idea to stop, a good goal to have. In retrospect, the excitement about not drinking was tied directly to losing weight, and extreme fitness goals. Success was sporadic, days, weeks, and finally nine weeks straight.  On the penultimate day, I hadn’t felt so good in years. I was done. Until the last day of my set goal passed and I craved a familiar reward. Within two weeks I had returned to my previous levels of drinking, deflated and defeated. Nice was not enough, I had to make it necessary.

The turning point arrived as I held my dad's hand as he took his final breath. I was more present to life than I had ever been, to its fragility and value. And I believe it was this moment that created in me an internal motivation, a must, not a nice to have, that has carried me to where I am  today, almost five years free from alcohol.

I now know why I drank and, perhaps more importantly, I know it has nothing to do with how much. This body and mind are not built to tolerate this substance.  No matter the quantity, it’s just not for me.

Knowing this at the core of my being was a feeling that was with me long before I finally quit. I just needed to be ready. I needed to feel like my life was too important and valuable to miss out on.  And every day I am grateful, even if it’s just for a few seconds, that I finally put myself first.

If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.  But you can take small steps to build up the courage to consider it more seriously each day. My number one tool for this is self-compassion.  It’s the opposite of self-indulgence. It’s giving yourself what you need, over what you want.

If we try to leave our crutch behind from any other position, from shame, or for external results like weight loss, another person, or financial gain, then we are open to disappointment. If we slip up the shame fuels the drinking cycle, and if the external factors don’t manifest, and even if they do, we are still not whole. Our motivation is in the hands of factors beyond our control.

If you’re not ready, but you have that quiet voice, then I encourage you to take the time to listen with compassion. What is it that you really need? And what would you say to your dearest friend in the whole world if they asked for your advice? When we can learn to motivate from the inside, for reasons that nothing, other than ourselves, can control, then we have the foundation for real, lasting, extraordinary change. 

And if you take the time to listen with open kindness, that voice will get louder until all your objections are sustained, and then you are truly ready.

If you feel you are ready to explore your relationship with alcohol, even just for a period of time, or if you'd like support on how to have more self-compassion, please get in touch. I have limited places for 1:1 coaching starting in August, and a wait list for group work and a book study of the incredible "Letting Go – The Pathway To Surrender" by Dr David Hawkins.

In the meantime sending you all respect and appreciation for taking the time to read,

Love

Sarah.