The New Normal

 A Piece from when I was 7 months alcohol-free

Navigating the New Normal: Reassessing Our Habits

As we start transitioning back to the "new normal," it's an opportunity to reflect on the behaviours we've adopted—both positive and negative—to cope with the uncertainty of the past few months. If you're anything like me, you've likely picked up a mix of beneficial and not-so-great habits along the way.

For example, swearing loudly has become the "new norm" in my house, but on the flip side, I've also discovered the world of free YouTube exercise videos—no gym membership required!

More people seem to be exercising outdoors, and families are undoubtedly spending a lot more time together. But when it comes to coping mechanisms, one thing stands out: many of us have been drinking more than usual, and now we're wondering how to cut back.

The Nature of Habits

Habits have a way of creeping up on us, or creeping back in, when we're vulnerable, stressed, or facing challenges. And what better excuse than a global pandemic to justify drinking more than we usually would?

 My own period of over-drinking happened last year, long before I was confined to my home and tasked with being a teacher, mother, worker, cleaner, and everything in between. It was a similar situation—I was in an uncertain place, stressed and grieving. When we have a "good excuse," it's easy to justify dubious behaviours. While I'm no longer rushing to the bottle shop, I hear many around me lamenting their need to stop or cut back on drinking. I've been there, so I know the dialogue well.

Diary Extract

 The relentless but futile repetition of "I've got to stop this" was getting boring. How many times could I tell myself the same thing, over again, and still pay no attention?

For years, I've written "give up drinking" or similar words in every diary and New Year's resolution list. Added to this is the insistent nag of regret and brain-ache every time I drink too much. And still, I’m not listening.

Every morning, even if I haven't been drinking the night before, I wake up tired, depleted, and de-motivated. My brain functions, but only just. I have forgotten what it feels like to operate at 100%. Last year, I had the perfect excuse not to quit—my dad was dying, and I "needed it," I told myself, to get through. But even in those many moments of pouring, slugging, and surrendering to the numbness I craved, there was a voice inside me saying, "When will enough be enough?"

 Taking Action

If you're asking yourself this question, there's no better time to take action. For once, you're not alone. People are openly admitting that alcohol is doing them no good, and they want to stop!

Amended section for how I feel today

I used to deeply admire, or perhaps envy, those who didn’t seem to struggle with this inner battle. They just stop when they feel like it, or they never start. I now know this admiration was doing me harm. I compared myself to people when I had no idea what was going on for them.  Moreover, now I understand in great detail why some people struggle with over-drinking, and others don’t, and it has little to do with greater discipline or intellect, and certainly nothing to do with them being ‘superior beings’ .  The combined four factors that contribute to someone becoming dependent are a complex mix, unique to the individual, and often beyond their conscious control.

The power of will is real, but when we’re in the weeds of our drinking the gritting of our teeth and trying, really hard, only lasts for so long. It’s miserable, exhausting, and generally leads to a binge and the creation of another memory that reinforces the notion that not drinking is miserable, and we will never succeed.

 So what does work?

I've read this prescription and repeated it to myself so many times that it seems almost trite to write it down here, but I must remember that there are many people (including me seven months ago) who may find it helpful. So here it goes: 

1. See Quitting as a Gain, Not a Loss

Until you focus on what you will gain from quitting, you'll always go back to it. You may succeed in the short term, but if you still place a high value on alcohol as something that you need, something fun, or helpful, it will hold that place in your memory. The key is to find ways to devalue drinking and ways to amplify all the benefits you get from not drinking

Focus on the Long-Term Effect

How? Focus on what alcohol does to you and your body in the long term. Read about its negative effects, research it, and most importantly, write your own list and read it often. I don't know anyone who can, in a sober state, genuinely relay positive outcomes of being stuck in a cycle of on-off over-drinking or big nights on the booze.

Celebrate & Savour Your Wins

Every time you don't turn to a drink, take the time to pause and congratulate yourself, intensely and with intention. Find a way to reward yourself and be mindful of the feeling you get when the craving has passed and you succeeded in riding the wave. Enjoy the feeling of control and self-respect when you decide to take care of yourself. 

We know that what gets rewarded gets repeated, every time you drink you hit the reward centres of the brain, so it wants to do it again, so we must reverse the process and reward ourselves for not drinking with great intensity.  If you do this consistently your brain will associate reward with not drinking, and will want to ‘not drink’ again.

 Find Alternatives
There are so many other ways to spend your time, and a growing number of non-alcoholic drink options. Recreate your drinking rituals with drinks that are new, exciting and different. And use the new clarity and energy you gain from not drinking to explore things you've always wanted to do but didn't have the energy or focus for.

 Seek Support
Support networks are critical, and there are many out there. Connect with like-minded people who support you. Visit social groups or online communities to find others who are on the same path.  We’re wired for connection so feeling like you’re not alone makes a huge difference to your ability to succeed.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but thankfully, there are more and more resources to help you make changes. Take one step or one day at a time, and make sure you add a large measure of kindness to yourself in the process. Feeling warmth and compassion toward yourself beats the brief buzz of a drink, hands down, every time.

Take Care

Love

Sarah