I Didn’t Need More Willpower. I Needed a New Way to Live.

 Hi Friends,

 Over the last few years there isn’t often a day that passed when I don’t wonder ‘what does it take to flip the switch’.  I’m seeking that one thing I can say to someone that connects, that leads them to the place of not wanting to or feeling like they need to drink.

 It’s futile I know, because over the years what ‘does it’ for one person, means little to another. In the end, it’s a combination of multiple factors that can’t be delivered in one line and if it was identified, would change the world as we know it.  I’ll keep trying anyway 

 When pondering this I decided to make a list, a road map of what has worked for me over the years. Perhaps you’ll recognise some of the milestones, and if you’re still in the contemplation stage perhaps it will provide inspiration and motivation, because everyone can create their own road map, if they want it enough.

 My Road Map ( A Summary)

 There was one moment in time that convinced me to seriously try and stop drinking. It wasn’t a stereotypical rock-bottom or a dramatic wake-up call. Just a quiet decision by my Dad’s hospital bed — ‘I need to stop drinking’

I didn’t know when, or how, but I knew I would, and that moment opened the door to a life I couldn’t have imagined at the time.

I didn’t decide to quit forever, I just knew I needed to experience some time not drinking, see what happened and where it led.

The Beginning: Just Two Weeks

I made the choice to stop drinking for two weeks. Then I did something I never thought I’d do—I went to rehab. Just two weeks. Enough time to breathe, rest, and hear myself think. Enough time to notice how good it felt not to drink. Not perfect. But good.

On my final day, out of the blue, an old friend called me who was in town. She wanted to catch up. We used to flat-share, and we always drank together.  I wanted to say no, but I knew if I could do this, alcohol-free, that would be a great experiment, one that in fact became a huge milestone in my journey.  I decided to go, have fun, and not drink. And I did.

From there, things started to shift. The more times I experienced being alcohol-free in situations where I had usually drunk, the stronger I became and the value I place on alcohol diminished, each and every time.

As a result I got clearer on what I truly valued, clearer on why I was drinking and, most importantly, I was forced to face myself, in my real world. No filter, no buffer, no lubricant, just me and the life I’d built so far.

The values that drove me each day were these;

🌀 Self-respect. Peace of mind. Adventure. And Self-acceptance.

Not just as nice ideas—but as non-negotiables.

I focused on those like my life depended on it. Because in many ways, it did.

What I Gained (and What I Grieved)

Removing alcohol is often talked about like a sacrifice, a deprivation. But for me it gradually became the opposite.

With better sleep, healthier eating, and a lot of rest I eventually gained energy, clarity, and emotional resilience.
I gained the ability to like myself again.
To dream again.

I also grieved. I cried. I felt left out. I felt scared. Alone. Lost. I felt like I was stepping into a completely different life with no map, no idea where it would all lead. But I did have a deep knowing that wherever I was going, it was going to be way better than where I would have ended up, if I’d kept drinking.

 Instead of numbing those feelings of fear and grief, I learned to face them head-on —with curiosity, compassion, and patience. Every single day.

 And in doing that? I stopped needing to escape, because I had nothing to escape from, I accepted my real world, and I set about doing what needed to be done to make it better.

The Real Work Wasn’t Quitting Alcohol—It Was Rebuilding My Life

First I got educated on the science which removed my guilt and shame. I learned how my nervous system worked and how to regulate it without alcohol. I learned how to meet my most important needs in high-quality ways.

 Eventually, after several years, I gained the courage to let go of everything that didn’t support me—jobs, people, expectations.  This took time, because I needed to build trust in myself again before I made any big decisions.

 I created new rituals that helped me actually relax.
I stopped trying to be “nice” and started practicing kindness with boundaries​,  
I started asking: What does my body need right now? What does my heart need?

 Some days I still don’t feel great. I’ve had bouts of depression and anxiety, and I’ve worked through them. I’ve learned to reframe these discomforts as messages, not failures. A nudge to get curious. To reconnect with myself.

From Self-Sabotage to Self-Trust

There were many moments I wanted to go back. That old voice whispered: You could just stop by the bottle shop —no one would know​

But I would know. And that was enough.

I knew what I would be missing out on if I drank:
My presence. My potential. My peace.

And I wouldn’t trade those for anything.

 I’m not different, or special, I’m exactly like you, I have hopes, dreams, fears, loneliness, boredom, anxiety,  we all do, it’s part of being human.  I just managed to find the road map that worked for me, and you can find yours too.

If You’re in the Middle of It—Here’s What I Want You to Know

 You don’t have to figure it all out at once.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t need more willpower.

You just need to pause, take a breath, and focus on what you really want. A life you don’t need or want to escape from.

You need to believe—truly believe—that there’s something better waiting for you on the other side of alcohol. Not because you’re broken, but because you’re ready.

 And I promise you: once you get a taste of what’s possible without it, and you commit to doing whatever it takes in those inevitable hard moments, in time you won’t want to go back.

Not because you have to stay alcohol-free.

But because you want to.

With love

Sarah